If there’s anybody that knows anything about dance music, it’s Paul McCartney.

Clearly a man who knows what it means to dance. Courtesy Strange Cosmos

While it looks like his boy toy dance partner has two left feet, Paul has consistently shown he has a great ear for music that gets you on your feet and, to paraphrase George Harrison, “shaking your ass.”

So, when it comes time to create a dance mix you can trust, it’s obviously time to turn to MC Cartney himself. Paul’s career spans a whole bunch of crap, from hard core dance tunes, to rockabilly, to silly love songs, “Silly Love Songs,” synthesizer experiments, classical waltzes, and beautiful ballads.

Honestly, you could make a tub thumpin’ dance mix from his first 10 solo albums alone. However, we’re going full career spanning here, simply to maximize potential annoyance. And no Beatles: that’s too easy.

(I apologize for the mean spirited Linda McCartney joke: she was a lovely person, with a warm heart, real photographic skill and pretty.)

1. “Dance Tonight.”

Perhaps this comes across as a little cloddishly obvious: after all, the word DANCE is right there in the title. But hey, it’s catchy, I like the guitar solo and it’s so charmingly freaking PAUL that I can’t help but love it.

Besides, it’s kind of a nice warm up to later block-rocking-beats: the tone is low key, laid back, and rather chill. And if you’re more inspired to do the Charleston than you are the Dougie, that’s just fine. We’ll wait for you to stop.

2. “Transpirtual Stomp”

Raise your hands if you knew Paul did an acid house album. For those of you who have your hands up, kick yourself right in the arse because that was a trick question. Paul didn’t do an acid house album: Youth did in 1993, when he took samples from Paul’s superb “Off the Ground” and created “Strawberries Oceans Ships Forest” nine tracks of long, relatively throwaway electronic music that asks one question: do you know bogey music?”

3. “Bogey Music”

Because Paul certainly did! Get out your air vocoder, because we’re getting stupid! Ah, the early 80’s! Was there a more fun time to own a whole bank of synthesizers? During this period, Paul said “what the hell, I’m game” and tried his hand at creating some form of nascent synth pop.

Did it work? Sure! I definitely want to bogey after hearing this flawless masterpiece. The Sistine Chapel’s got nothing on getting down and dirty with the bogey!.

See also: “Dark Room” from the album album, “McCartney II: The Synthening.”

4. “Run Devil Run”

Oh my! Listen to those shouts! Paul is ready to kick down the door of artistic credibility by slamming together his own rockabilly standard. After two (or three, if you delved into “Dark Room”) songs of electronic trance strum und drang, it’s refreshing to hear an old-fashioned “shake yer hips” style dance tune. Your parents probably danced to songs like this the night they conceived you. GET INTO IT.

5. “Maybe I’m Amazed”

By now, your blood should be pumping. For many elderly MC Cartney fans, that’s not a good thing: it could mean they are close to a serious coronary infraction.That’s why we’re going to slow it down a bit with this jam.

It’s cliched as all hell, but what can I say? The song still works. So, let your favorite lover out of their lock box, stand cheek to cheek, and slow dance the night away.

6. “Spiral”

So, “Maybe I’m Amazed” didn’t slow your heart rate enough? You’re still gasping for air? All right, let’s take a dance party break to avoid a true party foul heart attack. While you relax, listen to this piece of pseudo-classical nonsense. I won’t turn it off until you start dancing again. That should get you going.

7. “Rock Show”

Yeah! Put those lighters in the air! Whistle to the main synthesizer melody. And then get ready to grind, grind, grind on your favorite scratching post. What the hell did any of that mean? Who cares! MC Cartney is in the room.

Paul goes glam without make up and tames the genre to his rules by making everything as bogey as humanely possible. Or as lush. I get the two confused from time to time.

8. “Silly Love Songs”

Every dance party needs to have the “sell out” song that everyone outwardly hates, but secretly loves. This is that song. SHAKE YOUR ASS.

9. “Monkberry Moon Delight”

After that silly little frothy cash cow, it’s time to stomp your feet to something a bit weirder. Yet still danceable. Can’t you just imagine doing some variation of the “two-step shuffle” to this glorious little ditty? I know I certainly can: because I certainly AM. Let it all hang out.

(See also: “Let it All Hang Out”)

10. “Another Day”

It’s the end of the dance party. Everyone is worn out: they’ve danced to their ultimate limit. It’s time to ride out into the sunset and to celebrate…that’s right, the rise of a new day sun.

What better way to float away than nodding off to this feather-weight ditty? Just imagine the credits are rolling on your own private movie: it works better that way.

Well, that’s it. Hopefully, you danced so hard your pants fell off. Or at least you got wacky enough to put a lampshade on your head. Yeah. I hope that happened!