The Gospel According to…Presents: Haikus: The Last Hundred Albums I’ve Purchased

Hey, imagine that: it’s our 100th post! To celebrate, Jonathan Brodsky wrote 100 haikus about the last 100 albums he bought.

Pretty self explanatory.

Sebadoh – … In Tokyo (Bolide Records, 1994) ****
Not a bootleg, folks:
Bob Fay paid for the pressing.
Put it on, it’s great.

Akron/Family – Sub Verses (Dead Oceans, 2013) ***
One of the better
Animal Collective discs
that I’ve heard all year.

Guided By Voices – The Best Of Jill Hives (Matador Records, 2004) ***½
Robert Pollard sure
puts out a lot of music:
solid three-song set.

Devo – Live 1981, Seattle (Booji Boy Records, 2012) ***½
Archival Devo;
a misunderstood band at
the top of their game.

Galaxie 500 – This Is Our Music (20|20|20 Records, 1990) ***
These guys have a sound.
Here’s that sound with less reverb;
now, it’s everyone’s.

Galaxie 500 – Today (20|20|20 Records, 1988) ***½
Better than On Fire;
Disagree? Then suck my dick:
I enjoy blowjobs.

My Bloody Valentine – Loveless (Sony Records, 1991) ***½
Millions love Loveless.
Millions also loved Hitler.
Take that, sacred cow!

My Bloody Valentine – Isn’t Anything (Sony Records, 1988) ***
I liked this better
when they went by Hüsker Dü
and wrote less filler.

Sebadoh – Rocking The Forest (20/20 Productions, 1992) ***
These sound like outtakes
from the III sessions. They are?
Well, that explains it.

My Bloody Valentine – m b v (MBV Records, 2013) ***
The new MBV
took two whole decades to write:
this stuff is written?

The Microphones (as Mount Eerie) – Dawn (Buenaventura Press, 2008) ***
Phil Elverum makes
a Phil Elverum album:
this one has a book!

Galaxie 500 – On Fire (20|20|20 Records, 1988) ***
They call On Fire a
legendary shoegaze disc:
It is: I slept fast.

My Bloody Valentine – EPs, 1988-1991 (Sony Records, 2012) ***
Ephemeral discs
all in one convenient place;
good: saves me money.

Foxygen – We Are The 21st Century Ambassadors Of Peace & Magic (Jagjaguwar Records, 2013) ***
Their influences?
All this is is influenced!
They’re influences.

Sigur Rós – Kveikur (XL Recordings, 2013) ***
Yawn-rock champions
wake up, have an espresso,
and vary their sound.

The Feelies – Crazy Rythms (Bar/None Records, 1980) ***
The title is wrong:
none of these rhythms are crazed,
but the music’s good.

Rodan – Fifteen Quiet Years (Quarterstick Records, 2013) ***
Rusty was better,
but it’s cool to have all their
singles and Peel cuts.

Charles Manson – LIE, The Love And Terror Cult (Awareness Records, 1970) ***½
Cool, Fugsy folk tunes
from a dishevelled nutter;
I wish he would tour.

The Raincoats – Looking In The Shadows (DGC Records, 1996) ***
Loved by Kurt Cobain,
and thus, signed by DGC:
not that bad, but why?!?

Wings – Live At The Cow Palace (Concord Music, 2013) ***
Best Buy Exclusive
finds McCartney in poor voice;
kings have bad days, too.

Wings – Wings Over America (Concord Music, 1976) ***
Way too fucking long;
nice Moody Blues cover, though:
thank you, Denny Laine.

Black Sabbath – 13 (Vertigo Records, 2013) **************
Best record ever!
RIYL: Nickelback,
Stone Sour, cock taste.

She & Him – Volume 3 (Merge Records, 2013) ***½
Surprisingly good,
but feels like Zooey solo;
not enough M. Ward.

Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires Of The City (XL Recordings, 2013) **½
Call it a day, please:
your first album was the shit,
but you’re out of ‘the’.

The Raincoats – The Raincoats (We tHree, 1979) ***
This is important,
but, like, so was Chernobyl,
and who likes that thing?

Devendra Banhart – What Will We Be? (Warner Records, 2009) ***
I like Devendra,
but his writing’s getting dull
as it stretches thin.

Iron & Wine – Ghost On Ghost (Nonesuch, 2013) ***
Leaves the past behind
in search of a soulful sound
from the… past. Oh, well.

Akron/Family – Odyssey Of The Mind (Family Tree Records, 2007) ***½
Tour-only CD
finds the boys in freak-out mode.
They do ‘weird’ quite well.

Dirty Projectors – About To Die (Domino Records, 2012) ***
Vinyl only thing,
yet, I own it on CD:
thanks, label promos!

The Flaming Lips – The Terror (Warner Records, 2013) ***
Here’s a weird record:
Industrial rock that smiles
while remaining sad.

The Traditional Fools – The Traditional Fools (In The Red Records , 2008) ***
Early Ty Segall:
what’s the big deal about him?
Is he attractive?

!!! – THR!!!ER (Warp Records, 2013) ***
Do you like to dance?
And make fun of those who do?
Then, this is for you!

Major Stars – Syntoptikon (Important Records, 2006) ***
Ah, the Major Stars:
bar band of the underground.
Avant-county fair.

Venus Cures All – Paradise By The Highway (Aurora Borealis, 1995) ***
Reviews cite Jehu:
I hear high-octane Breeders.
Either way, it’s good.

Phleg Camp – Repeat Until Change (Aurora Borealis, 1996) ***½
Posthumous cobbling
of wax and radio takes :
Gavin Brown’s a cunt.

Gesundheit – Asinus Ad Lyram (Unmanageable Records, 2001) ***
Local joke metal,
features Guh and Do Make guys.
Canada’s GWAR-lite.

The Beach Boys – Live: 50th Anniversary Tour (Capitol Records, 2013) ***
The most prominent
member of the Beach Boys here
is pitch correction.

Throbbing Gristle – Thirty-Second Annual Report (Industrial Records, 2008) ***½
If you like hearing
Microsoft Sam detail rape,
this record’s for you!

Mogwai – Les Revenants (Rock Action Records, 2013) ***
Zombie show soundtrack.
Good for fighting off zombies
and insomnia.

The Telephone Man – The Telephone Man (Temporary Residence Ltd., 2013) ***
Mathy Louisville band
time forgot from the ’90s;
now, forgotten twice!

Devendra Banhart – The Black Babies (UK) (Young God Records, 2003) ***
Oh, Me; Oh, My cuts
interspersed with outtakes that
would’ve fit right in.

The Fall – Re-Mit (Cherry Red Records, 2013) ***
Mark E. Smith achieves
something thought impossible:
an even worse voice!

Deerhunter – Monomania (4AD Records, 2013) **½
Cryptograms was great!
Microcastle? Also great!
This… this is not great.

HEALTH – Dimensions In Noise 00001 (Lovepump United, 2009) ***
Actual noise from
a self-claimed noisy band who
seldom ever are.

Eric Chenaux – Guitar & Voice (Constellation Records, 2012) ***
Despite the title,
there’s a lot more going on,
but it’s average.

The Angels of Light – We Are Him (Young God Records, 2007) ***½
Good old Mike Gira’s
final Angels effort finds
him in stellar form.

Eric Chenaux – Sloppy Ground (Constellation Records, 2008) ***
The dude from Phleg Camp
makes stuff you’d not expect from
the dude from Phleg Camp.

Eric Chenaux – Dull Lights (Constellation Records, 2006) ***
Turns out Cat Stevens
is a dude from Toronto;
who woulda thunk it?

LiLiPUT – LiLiPUT (Kill Rock Stars, Records, 1993) ***
All the recorded
output of this ’80s band:
way too much music.

Samla Mammas Manna (as Zamla Mammaz Manna) – Familjesprickor (Silence Records, 1980) ****
Wicked R.I.O.
from these Swedish first-wavers:
shame Lars Hollmer’s dead.

Eric Chenaux – Warm Weather With Ryan Driver (Constellation Records, 2010) ***
I half-expect all
these songs to become Wild World,
but they never do.

Eric Chenaux – More Remote Than The Puma (Aural Borealis, 1999) ***
Instrumental tunes
feature strange, atmospheric
guitar wizardry.

Boris – Performing ‘Flood’ (Fangsanalsatan Archives, 2013) ****½
These guys are the best.
Here’s a short version of Flood:
it should be longer.

Sebadoh – Bakesale (Sub Pop Records, 1994) ***
‘Nirvana are big?
Let’s sound like Nirvana, guys!
Then, we’ll be big, too!’

Guided By Voices – Glue On Bicycle (Fire Records, 2013) **½
Seven-inch b-sides
from recently pressed singles;
weird and weak (for Bob).

Guided By Voices – English Little League (Fire Records, 2013) ***
What separates this
from other GBV discs?
Why, the name, of course!

Old Skull – C.I.A. Drug Fest (Restless Records, 1994) ****
Augmented line-up
trades ineptitude for crust
(but not Dominos’).

Old Skull – Get Outta School (Restless Records, 1989) ***½
Future suicide
and overdose make harsh noise
on daddy’s guitars.

Sebadoh – Wade Through The Boggs (no label, 2007) ***
Gaffney assembles
a host of ‘doh errata
that will please their fans.

Major Stars – Mirror/Messenger (Drag City Records, 2007) **½
Bland rock in mirror.
Messenger: ‘fire your singer’.
I miss their psych days.

The Misfits – Dea.d. Alive! (Misfits Records, 2007) ***
Competent at best:
Not horrible given that
they’re one-thirty-eight.

The Stooges – Ready To Die (Fat Possum Records, 2013) ***
Rock by numbers with
Iggy Pop playing at goth
and Leonard Cohen.

Bleached – Ride Your Heart (Dead Oceans, 2013) ***
Unlike their singles,
this lacks the magical spark
that sold me on them.

Woods – Bend Beyond (Woodsist, 2012) ***½
Jeremy Earl does
his best Peter Silbermann,
and it works quite well!

Simply Saucer – Cyborgs Revisited (Sonic Unyon Records, 1989) ***
Latent recordings
by a Hamilton band that
weren’t really that great.

Codeine – What About The Lonely? (Numero Group, 2013) ***
Strong ’90s concert
by slowcore benchmark setters;
features David Grubbs.

Phleg Camp – Ya’Red Scratch (Cargo Records, 1993) ***
David Yow worship
that misses the point by not
being wild enough.

Wavves – Afraid Of Heights (Mom + Pop Records, 2013) ***
The girl from Best Coast
could do a whole lot better
than this stoner schmuck.

The Mountain Goats – Transcendental Youth (Merge Records, 2013) ***
‘Weird Al’ Yankovic
for people with Lit. degrees
and secondhand clothes.

The Melvins – Eggnog (Boner Records, 1991) ***
Classic doom metal
courtesy of King Buzzo
and his lovely hair.

Guided By Voices – Down By The Racetrack (Guided By Voices, Inc., 2013) ***
First songs of the year
from the prolific Pollard;
nowhere near the last.

Devendra Banhart – Smokey Rolls Down Thunder Canyon (XL Recordings, 2007) ***
This album has a
guest spot by Linda Perhacs.
Otherwise, it’s bland.

Devendra Banhart – Cripple Crow (XL Recordings, 2005) ***½
Banhart’s strongest work:
contains his hookiest songs,
though it’s far too long.

Devendra Banhart – Rejoicing In The Hands (Young God Records, 2004) ***
this left no strong impression;
it’s ordinary.

Devendra Banhart – Oh, Me; Oh My (Young God Records, 2002) ***½
Lo-fi crooning from
a stoned, beach bum hippie who
sounds like Charles Manson

The Residents (as Charles Bobuck) – Life Is My Only Sunshine (Ralph Records, 2013) ***
If you liked their last
ten instrumental albums,
you’ll like this one, too.

Milk Music – Cruise Your Illusion (Fat Possum Records, 2013) ***
Based on what I read,
I thought this would be noisy.
Instead, it’s more Yuck.

Brise-Glace – When In Vanitas… (Skin Graft Records, 1994) ***
Early Jim O’Rourke:
paints abstract landscapes with an
industrial brush.

Sebadoh – The Sebadoh (Sire Records, 1999)  ***
Their ’90s swan song
is not the proudest moment
in their catalogue.

Sebadoh – Harmacy (Sub Pop Records, 1996) ***
Who do you prefer,
Eric Gaffney or Bob Fay?
Well, Fay’s on this one.

Guh – We Are Sunburning (Unmanageable Records, 1999) ***
This is certainly
another record by Guh.
Less bagpipes, more songs.

Guh – Flog (Unmanageable Records, 1997) ***½
Guh’s finest hour,
as opposed to the three that
made up their debut.

Guh – Guh (Unmanageable Records, 1996) ***
If these three discs were
any longer and harder,
they would be my dick.

Soundbreakers – Amalgamatation (Drone Syndicate, 1971) ***
Nippon collage music
influenced by World War II
and Jon Lord’s organ.

Akron/Family – Akron/Family (Young God Records, 2005) ***
Gira’s Brooklyn faves
make their avant-folk debut,
and it’s pretty good.

The Fall – Bend Sinister (Beggars’ Banquet Records, 1986) ***
I’d have loved to see
the look on John Leckie’s face
when he tracked this stuff.

Slow Loris – The Ten Commandments And Two Territories According To (Southern Records, 1996) ***
A jazzy affair
as clever and long-winded
as the album’s name.

The Fall – Seminal Live (Beggars’ Banquet, 1989) ***
Five studio tracks
and some concert detritus
with the rambling drunk.

The Men – Immaculada (Deranged Records, 2010) ***
This isn’t Leave Home,
but neither is anything
else that they’ve released.

Boris – Vein (Daymare Recordings, 2013) ****
Contains neither of
the original two Veins;
the prank continues.

Simply Saucer – Half Humans/Half Live (Sonyc Unyon Records, 2008) ***
Some legends don’t die;
they just reform and pretend
that they were legends.

Rome – Rome (Thrill Jockey Records, 1996) ***
Post-rock? That’s not it.
This stuff neither rocks nor posts.
Post-music, maybe.

Current 93 – Thunder Perfect Mind (Durtro Jnana Records, 1992) ***
David Tibet talks,
musicians play underneath:
Current 93.

R.E.M. – Live In Greensboro (Warner Records, 2013) ***
Record Store Day set
that has the leftover cuts
from Green’s bonus disc.

Wolf Eyes – No Answer/Lower Floors (De Stijl Records, 2013) ****
Really strong outing
from these Michigan noise kings;
imagine more Dread.

Ducktails – Landscapes (Art Union, 2009) ***
Matt Mondinale’s gig:
More hi-fi than Ducktails II
but more of the same.

Iron Maiden – En Vivo! (EMI Records, 2012) **½
This title misses
the proper Spanish grammar
like they miss the point.

METZ – METZ (Sub Pop Records, 2012) ***
Is this really what
passes for ‘noise rock’ these days?
Give me some Big Black.

FIDLAR – FIDLAR (Dine Alone Records, 2013) ***½
This is dumb and fun,
but neither of those are bad;
just mildly trendy.


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About Culture Fusion Reviews

A multi-effort web review periodical of varied cultural landmarks curated by Eric Benac: freelance writer, journalist, artist, musician, comedian, and 30-ish fellow caught in and trying to make sense of the slipstream of reality.

One response to “The Gospel According to…Presents: Haikus: The Last Hundred Albums I’ve Purchased”

  1. sara montgomery says :

    hey, thanks, I’m in two of those bands, nice to see it wasn’t a complete waste of time …

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